Editorial
In
this editorial page I will be addressing local music news and issues as
they relate to the Los Angeles area music scene. I will welcome opinions
and attitudes via e-mail and will look forward to publishing these views.
I will be asking local musicians to submit a 1-page editorial for publishing
on this page. You may get the next call, I'm sure your peers would like
to hear what you have to say...
Robert Heft
The
Aging Musician/Stuff
by Robert Heft
My wife told me it was time to do a new editorial as the last one has been on line now for 2 years. So I have been thinking about subject matter and thought this would be a great place to start.
Many of us are getting up there in years and tracking more miles than virtual takes these days. Most of those miles are hard lived physically and emotionally and have taken their toll on our bodies, minds, and families.
Here are some of the symptoms in no particular order. For the ladies, please feel free to add your own via e-mail and I will be glad to post them.
The male musician:
1.
Nine out of ten times your wife is right and you are wrong.
2. You went to bed at 4am, fell asleep at 5am, and were up at 6am.
3. Your back hurts all the time.
4. The cat and the dog both beat you to the bathroom.
5. Your amps and drums get smaller and smaller.
6. The drummer is always too loud.
7. You listen to Coast-to-Coast instead of music on the way home from
a gig.
8. You can't hear the bandleader call the key to the next tune.
9. You can't see the bandleader call the key to the next tune.
10. You don't care what the key to the next tune is.
11. You're the bandleader.
12. Your strings are dead so you bring a 2nd gtr. instead of changing
them.
13. You have to pee 3 times during your set.
14. The music you play is described as "classic" (blues, country,
rock).
15. You leave your gear in the car.
16. You can't remember who's booked on your gig.
17. You can't remember how to spell forty/fourty or ninety/ninty.
18. You're still accepting $50.00 as gig pay.
19. Your beard hair has a gray line between your chin and the brown.
20. You can't tolerate stupid drunks.
21. You check out women you wouldn't normally have given a 2nd look.
22. Your break is over and you're still in the men's room.
23. You read Cosmo.
24. You have more bills than sheet music on your studio mixer.
25. You turn down gigs because the musician next to you is a pain in the
ass
26. Your kids borrow your gear.
27. You're on your wife's insurance plan.
28. Getting a real job is no longer an option.
29. Your promo pack lists 3 names for each band member.
30. You no longer bring monitors for the P.A.
31. You constantly drop things because your hands are messed up.
Bandleader Stuff:
Why do musicians think it is okay to bring a cell phone on stage? I see gigging musicians taking calls and texting during the set. I just don't get it. This is a sure way to get fired out of my band. The only reason for you to have a cell phone onstage in my band is because I don't wear a watch and I need to know what time it is. My bad, I will start bringing a clock.
Don't leave gig pay on the table, it will get stolen. My bad, won't happen twice. Sorry Eliot.
Henry Becker needs to write a book on how to be a bandleader. In all my years of gigging (40) he is still the best and his teachings and Henryisms are with me on every gig.
In my mind, your side players are worth their weight in gold. You can't perform without them, they cover your ass, play better than you, sing back-up for you, show up at a moment's notice, chart your tunes for you. So why do some band leaders think it is okay to take more money than the side guys? Booking the gig and bringing the P.A. is part of the bandleader's job. In my band, everyone gets paid the same except me, I get less.
For you side players, dress for success and stop arguing with the bandleader. If you look bad, play bad, or act poorly, the blame goes to the bandleader and they can lose a gig because of you even though you can still work the club with other bandleaders. Not fair.
You are hired to play music, not eat, drink, and get freebies. Stop expecting meals and booze, they don't give you those perks on your day job.
Be on time, you're freaking out the bandleaders. BLs need to be focusing on the show that is about to go on, not whether you are going to be there on time (or at all).
Enjoy yourself and put out some positive energy.
Be flexible.
Until next time...
rh
